conqueringvalhalla

The colossal beef titans of Conquering Valhalla... five warriors given license to soar by the great Gods of Pubicon 3. The great devourers of babies and destructors of the un-metal, slayers of gay dragons and inhalers of cannons. All five members of this massive musical managerie of megalithic proportions were all born with full beards at the same time from within a giant robotic vagina known only as "Steve" on top of glorious Skull Mountain, in Castle Wolfensteinke. Fed on a steady diet of b...

The colossal beef titans of Conquering Valhalla... five warriors given license to soar by the great Gods of Pubicon 3. The great devourers of babies and destructors of the un-metal, slayers of gay dragons and inhalers of cannons. All five members of this massive musical managerie of megalithic proportions were all born with full beards at the same time from within a giant robotic vagina known only as "Steve" on top of glorious Skull Mountain, in Castle Wolfensteinke. Fed on a steady diet of baby meat, weed and beer the five drunken vikings grew up strong and fast, developing man-stalks that could crush buildings and bodies so beefy they can cause unborn fetuses to explode in the womb just by flexing their eyelids.Soon these sexually driven pinnacles of manliness knew their powers, though undeniably great and ass kicking, could be used for more domination than is really humanly necessary, and so they began to make music. Not the sweet kind that puts your darling little kids to sleep... the kind that forced zombified vikings to rise from the dead and windmill headbang while eating elderly villagers. Anal and Mack picked up the great Wailing Axes of Doom, Danger found his rhythm on the War Congas of Untimely Death, Brutus used the Harpies Shreak of Ear Piercing Destruction and (the Fall of) Troy found the Rumbling Guillotine of Torture to be his instrument of choice. Together these Overlords of Supra-Annihilation were creating the very sounds of death and the world would soon know the greatness of their collective powers!Now on the local Ottawa scene Conquering Valhalla have made themsleves known both locally and provincially, in preparation for inevitable world domination.These He-men of modern metal lords command everyone to support them at their shows and download their badass tunes. Remeber, each member of Conquering Valhalla will personally make dirty, nasty medieval love to all our screaming, salivating fans during and after our shows. Keep it metal and support the vikings!