Parental Advisory

Duration

3:14

Genres

Spoken Word/Perf. Poetry

Description

Lyrics

A twisting line of people fill the room... all queued up and waiting to speak with three depressed tellers that sit beyond a counter at the other end. An older man with slicked back gray hair and a matching scruffy beard stands at the back of the room observing; his arms crossed and a cynical look on his face. He leans against a ledge that runs the length of the room, watching the chaos and frustration all around him. The rest of the ledge is packed with men and women standing with their backs turned, filling out paperwork. Carlin: Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. The man to his right looks over, the stink eye on full display. A woman walks toward the ledge, returning from one of the tellers. She squeezes in to the left of the elderly man and throws her paperwork down in frustration. Woman: Fucking bullshit. She says fill out the pink form. There's five pink forms! Of course I grabbed the wrong one. Now I have to get back in line and waste another hour of my life. This place is fucked! The elderly man peers out over the crowd, taking it all in. Carlin: If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. Woman: That's awfully cynical. Carlin: Inside every cynical person is a disappointed idealist. You know what you do? Ask her “Don't I pay your salary? You're a public servant. Get me a glass of water.” Woman: Yeah... she'd love that. Carlin: There's a lot of shit you have to put up with when you're driving... Woman: Tell me about it... Carlin: Like red lights. The man to his right chuckles. Man: Fuckin' A. The old man steps out and starts talking to no one in particular. Carlin: They say blondes have more fun. The crowd becomes silent, and a spotlight appears. Carlin: Unfortunately they also have more VD... kinda goes with the territory. All you need to know about men and women is women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Carlin: Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. Random man in the distance: That's neither here nor there! Carlin: Well if it's neither here nor there, then where the fuck is it? I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be. The spotlight follows the old man as he walks toward the exit, waving to the crowd. Carlin: Thank you... thank you. Just because you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.