***Best-selling book(s) Coming Soon!!!***
For now, settle on this:
Once upon a time, after having grown tired of traveling the planet learning the most deadly martial arts and seducing the most beautiful women with his mastery of the musical arts, "El Pitbull" decided to settle down (essentially by randomly selecting one of the many ferociously competitive ladies at his disposal) and ended his career as an international playboy. His woman challenged him to write one last song for her - if h...
***Best-selling book(s) Coming Soon!!!***
For now, settle on this:
Once upon a time, after having grown tired of traveling the planet learning the most deadly martial arts and seducing the most beautiful women with his mastery of the musical arts, "El Pitbull" decided to settle down (essentially by randomly selecting one of the many ferociously competitive ladies at his disposal) and ended his career as an international playboy. His woman challenged him to write one last song for her - if he truly loved her, that is - and if he failed, she woud leave him. Who would've thought that girls also only want what they cannot have?! Realizing that anything that didn't involve his woman pleading for his attention was conceptually flawed, El Pitbull opted to write not one, but many songs about morbid exploits, disembodiment, and sexuality (of course). Needless to say, his woman got the point and opted to stay!
Having put forward the effort that it takes an ultra-talented being to write an entire album of songs in 2.5 days, El Pitbull decided to not let it go to waste. Recognizing that his own voice, although capable of fronting various punk-to-rock bands, was often times mistaken for that of a dying walrus, and thus likely not capable of reaching legendary proportions in the horror rock genres; El Pitbull sought out an arch-angel of a voice in "F'n Reddy". F'n Reddy's story is as follows:
One day, F'n Reddy sat down to write some music, but instead drew a giant octopus destroying a city. He then realized he was hungry, but before getting up to eat a microwaveable pizza, suddenly found himself asleep. Yes, F'n Reddy suffers from an extreme case of ADHD. As one can imagine, it was easy to convince him to agree to join El Pitbull in these musical endeavors, as it consisted of sitting around patiently (for under 2 minutes) until F'n Reddy dropped whatever he was doing entirely and forgot he was working on anything in the first place! With his schedule now indefinitely available, it was now a breeze running through his free-flowing hair as he fed the ducks by the pond, where he played ice hockey in the winters...you get the picture...
Similarly easy to acquire was Eddie SantaCruz, but not because of any Jedi mind-tricks imposed upon him. No, instead Eddie SantaCruz, like an oasis in the desert, was happened upon - God sent, even - and the weary crew of explorers never left. See, musicians of their caliber and experience know a good thing when they see it...or have been under the halucinative effects of dehydration for quite some time and the prospect of venturing out into the blistering sun is no longer as fun as it was supposed to be, and there are no hidden cities made of gold like the brochure said there would be.
Gringo, on the other hand, was not as simple an acquisition. Well-versed in his abilities to track and produce music, Gringo was hesitant about any likely success writing songs explicitely depicting sociopathic tendancies and implied defamation of burial rights; though his Bass skills ((rhymes with 'face kills') and technical know-how were perceived as essential by the others. So El Pitbull, F'n Reddy, and Eddie SantaCruz decided to turn towards their brown roots and soul search for an answer...they did what their Mexican and Colombian ancestors do best: kidnap Gringo's family in exchange for a ransom! Ok, that was a joke...but they did consider it...probably.
***Stay tuned for more to come at a later date, including: the time The Darkest Triad considered letting Travis Barker (?) drum for them...***
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